There can be little doubt, that the breakdown of a relationship and thereafter the separation can be a challenging and emotional time. People struggle with their emotions, often requiring professional support.
The impact to children can, however, sometimes be overlooked during the initial emotional turmoil of a separation. Here are some tips which can be employed both right at the beginning and throughout your period of separation to assist with parenting your children:
- Reassure children of your love for them.
This is vital. Children need to be assured and regularly reassured, that despite the breakdown of your relationship and perhaps the separation of the household, that regardless both you and your partner/spouse remain committed to demonstrating and reinforcing your love of your children. Children need to feel safe and supported and that their needs are prioritised first. - Set hurt, anger, blame aside.
It may be very difficult to do. However, let what is best for your children dictate your behaviour. This requires a real effort to separate your feelings from your behaviour and choices. Vent your feelings and frustrations out of earshot and never in front of the children. Remaining child focused is key. - Do not place children in the middle.
As much as you may want to avoid communications with your partner/spouse, it is never appropriate to treat the children as messengers. Neither is it appropriate for children to be put in the position of making the arrangements to spend time with the other parent. Remember that your children have a right to enjoy a positive and beneficial relationship with the other parent. Keep issues to yourself. Raise these separately outside of your children’s hearing or knowledge. - Communications.
Set a business like, professional tone with the other parent when communicating. Remain mindful of the purpose of your communications, which is your children’s wellbeing. Which is paramount. The aim is to build a civil working relationship. Keep communications child focussed and really listen! Make requests, not statements or demands. - Transitions between parents.
Preparation is key. A healthy, positive transition starts with your mindset & attitude. Your children are watching you and taking their cues from you. Being upbeat and positive as you begin to prepare for handover day, is so crucial. Children should be free to air their feelings of excitement and anticipation, in advance of spending time with the other parent. Positive reinforcement, both verbal and non-verbal communications before and after spending time takes place, is the right thing for your children. This does not have to take up too much time or effort on your part. Starting to talk about the spending time and getting ready in good time, with the things the children will need to take with them is a very good idea. Allow the children time to adjust on their arrival back. Never pump them for information!
We recognise that despite best efforts, sometimes it may not be possible to agree what is best for your children between you and your former partner/spouse. If you find yourself in this position, we have a team of specialist lawyers, who have a wealth of experience in dealing with a wide range of children matters.
Where possible, disputes are resolved via negotiation and mediation. Going to court is viewed as a last resort by our Resolution accredited practitioners. If this step is required, we work hard to deliver our high standard of client care and attention to detail.
Contact us today if you require further information or advice
