Parental alienation has become a hot topic in family law in recent years. Arguments about parental alienation arise generally in cases where a child is refusing to spend time with, or is inexplicably hostile to, one parent. Family court judges have the almost impossible job of deciding the reason why: is it due to the manipulating behaviour of the other parent? Or are there other reasons behind the child’s decision not to spend time with that parent, such as the children being fearful as a result of domestic abuse or coercive and controlling behaviour by them? It is a complex area and many expert witnesses in such cases have been heavily criticised for suggesting parental alienation has taken place. But parental alienation certainly does exist in many cases, and it can cause long-term emotional and psychological damage to the child.
So what is parental alienation and how would you know if it is happening?
What is Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation, in the context of family law, is the intentional or unintentional act of a parent turning a child against the other parent. The alienating parent may use various tactics to create negative thoughts or feelings towards the other parent, including speaking negatively about them, preventing the child from spending time with them, or encouraging the child to reject them. Sometimes the tactics used are subtle, but the effects can be equally as damaging as where the alienating parent’s behaviour is more obvious. This behaviour can be damaging to both the targeted parent and the child and can have long-lasting effects.
Signs of Parental Alienation
There are many signs that might indicate parental alienation is taking place. Signs include:
- The child speaks negatively about the targeted parent and avoids spending time with them.
- The child has a sudden and unexplained change in attitude towards the targeted parent.
- The child seems to be “parroting” phrases or opinions about the targeted parent that they have heard from the alienating parent.
- The alienating parent tries to limit or prevent contact between the child and the targeted parent, e.g. saying the child is unwell, or does not want to see the targeted parent. Eventually this becomes the child themself refusing to spend time with the other parent.
- The alienating parent provides excessive emotional reassurance to the child about the time they spend with the targeted parent, before, during or after their time together, e.g. constant texting or calling while the child is with the targeted parent.
Preventing Parental Alienation
The best way to prevent this is to create an environment where both parents work together for the best for their children, over and above their own wishes. This can be very challenging at a time when emotions are running high. The following can help:
- Attend mediation to discuss arrangements for your child – early discussions with the assistance of a professional mediator can flush out any potential areas of conflict that might occur and allows your child to see both parents working together when making decisions about them.
- Encourage positive communication between both parents – this can help build a healthy relationship and reduce the chances of misunderstandings. Consider using a parenting app, such as Our Family Wizard, to keep communication clear and in one place.
- Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent to the child – however tempting this may be in times of stress, it may encourage them to feel negatively towards the targeted parent and can be immensely damaging to the child.
- Try to avoid conflicts in front of the child – disagreements should be resolved in private, without the child present or in earshot.
- Ensure that the child spends regular time with both parents – this can help to maintain a healthy relationship between the child and the targeted parent.
In many cases, sadly it will not be possible to work with the other parent. In those cases, it may be necessary to seek the assistance of a specialist legal and/or health professional.
If you would like further advice on this, or any other family law topic, please contact us on 01245 221699 or email enquiries@ejcoombs.co.uk
