Christmas contact – I have just separated from my partner, where should the children be at Christmas? Who should they spend time with?
December has always historically been a busy time of year for family lawyers and this year, despite the risks associated with COVID-19, it is unlikely to be much different.
Where a child is to spend the Christmas bank holidays can be a real bone of contention particularly for newly separated families. When seeking to agree arrangements for children, I am always conscious to think of the Christmas holiday arrangements in addition to the all important birthdays and mothers/fathers day.
So what are the options? I often ask people to think about how they will split the holidays, whether it be Easter, Summer or Christmas. This can be a good starting point so that a child, for example, spends one week of their school/nursery holidays with one parent and the other week with the other. The handover point could be Christmas Day or Boxing Day and the arrangements alternate each year, but this very much depends on when Christmas Day falls in relation to the school holidays and often holidays last beyond two weeks.
Inevitably, both parents want to have their children wake up with them on Christmas Day and watch the excitement unfold as children unwrap their presents. Another option is to alternate this part of the Christmas holidays so that a child wakes up with one parent and spends half the day with them before moving onto the other parent. This ensures the special day is shared. Alternatively, rather than moving about on Christmas Day, you can alternate the days each year so that a child sees one parent on Christmas Day and the next on Boxing Day. I have never had many complaints from children who get to have two fun filled present filled days and I know many clients who ‘sell’ the agreed arrangements to their children on that basis. What I think is probably most important is focusing on making the whole holiday season a positive experience for the children, and whilst it can be tempting to do what suits you best, or what extended family members want, there is only a relatively limited amount of time your children will be young.
It is important to have conversations early enough about the arrangements for Christmas so that everyone is able to plan appropriately and your children are prepared for what will be happening, who they will see etc.
What is perhaps different this year is that as a result of the COVID-19 crisis, the prospect of getting an urgent court hearing before the Christmas holidays is becoming more unlikely as each day passes. The court system is already under immense pressure to keep up with the current caseload. The focus may therefore have to be on parents to agree arrangements themselves.
There may of course be someone who is more vulnerable due to COVID-19 within your family or your ex partner’s family who may need to be factored in. Again, having early conversations becomes increasingly important.
Whilst a court date may be costly and potentially impossible in the run up to Christmas, most mediators will still be operating and should be able to accommodate parents to deal with a specific issue such as Christmas arrangements.
If you are having discussions with your ex partner about the Christmas holiday arrangements for your children, or need advice and guidance to go through your options, then we are always happy to assist. Please contact us on 01245 221 699 or email enquiries@ejcoombs.co.uk
