Most separated parents find a way to co-parent with mutual respect — even if communication isn’t perfect. But when one parent is consistently argumentative, unpredictable or hostile, “traditional” co-parenting becomes almost impossible.
This is where high-conflict co-parenting can cause problems.
If you are dealing with constant tension, endless messages, or frequent disagreements over your child, you’re not alone. Below are practical, legally informed strategies that can help you create more stability.
Shift from Co-Parenting to Parallel Parenting
When communication is repeatedly volatile, it may be safer and more effective to reduce direct contact.
Parallel parenting allows both parents to remain involved with the child while minimising opportunities for conflict.
This might include:
- Separate routines in each household
- Minimal direct communication (using approved apps)
- Clear boundaries set out in a Parenting Plan or Court Order
This approach protects children from exposure to adult conflict — something the court take very seriously.
Keep communication brief, neutral and necessary
High-conflict individuals often thrive on emotional reactions. Try adopting a communication style sometimes called “BIFF” (Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm).
Example:
Instead of: “You always cancel last minute — this is ridiculous.”
Try:“Please confirm whether Saturday’s 10am handover is still going ahead.”
The court — and solicitors — recognise the value of calm, factual communication.
Use a Co-Parenting app or written record
Apps such as Our Family Wizard are increasingly encouraged by the court. They help by documenting communication, reducing opportunities for manipulation, keeping everything in one place and timestamping messages, which can be useful evidence
If communication issues escalate legally, this record can be extremely important.
Don’t respond to every message
High-conflict individuals often send excessive or inflammatory messages.
You are not required to respond instantly — or at all — to messages that are aggressive, off-topic, intended to provoke or not about your child at all!
Focus only on what is necessary for the child’s wellbeing.
Seek legal support early if conflict is affecting the child
If discussions repeatedly break down or the child is being impacted, early legal advice can help.
We can support you with:
- Establishing a Parenting Plan
- Negotiating with the other parent
- Advising on whether mediation is appropriate
- Applying to court if necessary
The court’s priority is the child’s welfare. If conflict is harming your child’s emotional stability, legal intervention may be the next step.
You don’t have to manage a high-conflict co-parent alone
Support, boundaries and legal guidance can dramatically reduce stress and bring more consistency to your child’s life. If you’re struggling, our team can help you find the right approach for your circumstances.
