I am sure many of you will have watched the Beauty and the Beast film. However unfortunately cinema can blur the lines between the romantic and the abusive. One could argue that Belle is held captive in the Beast’s castle, where he showers her with gifts and extravagant gestures, attempting to win her affection through manipulation and control; not exactly a fairytale by any means.
Domestic abuse can take various forms; one element of coercive and controlling behaviour is ‘Love-Bombing’, which is now recognised in the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) guidelines on how to prosecute abusive partners.
Since 2018, over 1,800 people have been prosecuted for coercive and controlling behaviour, which was introduced as an offence in December 2015.
Love-bombing is a tool often utilised by those who have narcissistic tendencies or personality disorders. The term has gained traction on platforms like Instagram and TikTok, gendering hundreds of millions of views and interactions. However, the origin of the term can be dated back to the 1970s, in relation to behaviour exhibited by cults.
What is Love Bombing?
Love-bombing is an abusive tactic in which a person will shower their victim with overt and excessive affection, compliments, gifts and attention, overwhelming them, as a way to gain their trust to ultimately control and manipulate them.
Love-bombing is a tactic used by an abuser to manipulate and confuse their victim, as a mechanism for exerting greater control over them.
This tactic can therefore make it easier to gain a victim’s trust, in romantic and personal relationships, almost like a false feeling of love at first sight, manufactured by the abuser.
Once the abuser has cemented their place within their victim’s life, they will then withdraw the positive attention and affection, leaving you confused as to what you have done wrong, instinctively blaming yourself for the withdrawal, thinking you may not have been grateful or that you have made them unhappy.
You may then try harder to earn back the positivity from your abuser, therefore instigating a cycle of abuse.
How to spot the signs of Love Bombing?
Due to its nature, love-bombing can be incredibly difficult to spot, making it difficult for victims to realise and seek help.
Signs that you should look out for can include, but are not limited to:
- A rapid escalation, rushing or pressuring you towards intimacy and commitment.
- Excessive gift-giving, with no particular purpose or reason.
- Extensively communicating their feelings for you in a dramatic fashion, like ‘you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, you are my world’ – this often occurs very early into a relationship.
- A flurry of compliments and praise, while demanding you remain in constant contact with them.
- Over-stepping your boundaries, under the pretence that they are doing so as they ‘care about you’.
- Planning out their entire future with you, with promises of making a family and a life together, once again prematurely into a relationship.
- Isolating you from others, as they wish to exert complete control over you, removing positive influences in your life.
- Excessively monitoring you on social media, or excessive posts to display their affection along with grand gestures.
- Inconsistent behaviour, lurching from overwhelming affection to cold emotional detachment.
Is love-bombing just used in relationships?
Even though love-bombing is often referred to in terms of a romantic relationship, it can take place in any form. This can include between a parent and their child.
This could be where a parent will focus all their attention and praise on one child but will then withdraw this and focus on the other child, therefore effectively making their children compete for the affection of their parent.
This can be prominent where couples have separated, in which a parent may manipulate their child so that they attempt to remain in the abusive parent’s ‘good books’ causing the child to unwittingly think negatively about the other parent, while craving the positive reinforcement.
Interestingly, love-bombing has also been an issue in professional environments, such as at the workplace.
What can I do and how can EJ Coombs Solicitors help?
It cannot be understated the effect that abusive behaviour can have both on your mental health and the way you view future and existing relationships. It is important to seek help from a professional, to help unpack your experiences and how you can more forward positively.
If you are concerned that a friend or family member is being love-bombed by their partner, you may wish to encourage them to trust their instincts about whether something does not feel right or remind them about healthy boundaries in relationships.
If your partner or family members behaviour begins to escalate and you feel in fear for your personal safety, then you should always contact the police in the first instance. You may need advice regarding applying for a protective injunction, such as a Non-Molestation Order. Please see our article here for further information about protective injunctions.
If you think that you are a victim of domestic abuse and/or are in a coercive or controlling relationship, or that your children may be being manipulated, then we are able to assist. Please use the links below to speak to one of our experienced specialist family lawyers.
