Divorce is a stressful time, with so many decisions to be made whilst dealing with heightened emotions, especially if children are involved. You’ve got a great lawyer, but then you start thinking about what to do with all your belongings and home contents and overwhelm kicks in. Here are some tips to help you navigate it better from a Professional Organiser.
Communication
As with the whole divorce process, trying to keep clear communication can make a dramatic difference to your stress levels. Also, the more you communicate then the quicker the process will be to move on with the next chapter in your life.
General Rules on ownership
This can be an area where you end disagreeing on who gets what and how best to divide the contents, so let’s start with some general rules:
- If you bought it outright = you own it
- If it was a present = you own it
- If both of you bought it = shared ownership. If you paid more towards the purchase, the value can be split pro-rata for the contribution made.
Where to start with dividing it all up
A good way to do this is review room by room, dividing into categories. You’ll need to consider everything from obvious things like artwork, furniture and appliances. Also, areas such as the loft, which might have more sentimental items and your outdoor storage, such as garages/sheds.
Split into categories:
- One for each person
- Items to sell. This could be listing items on sites such as Facebook Marketplace or enlisting the help of an auctioneer.
- Items to donate.
- Items for landfill
Maintain these piles as you work through each room and keep a record. You could also look at using coloured stickers on items for each category, to be able to quickly identify items as you get closer to moving items out of the house.
I would recommend that you clear the items to sell; donate and landfill as you progress to give a sense of progress rather than leaving until the end of the process.
If you are moving out of your existing house, get clear on what space you will have as this may help determine what you do with existing items, especially if you are downsizing. Floor plans from your estate agent can be helpful here to map it out visually.
Don’t forget to update your home or car insurance policies for any changes. For example, if you currently park in a garage but are moving to a new home where you’ll be parked on the street/driveway, you will need to notify your insurance company.
Sentimental last
I would recommend leaving the more sentimental items to the end as these are more likely to trigger an emotional reaction. It may be that if one of you is staying in the matrimonial home and have more space, that you decide to keep items there during the transition and go back to review these items later.
Children
It is good to get the children involved (where age allows) with their items as this can help them feel part of the process. If you have agreed shared custody, they will have 2 bedrooms and you could help them choose which items from their bedroom/toys they would like in each home when dividing items, so that they have some familiar items in each location.
It can also be an opportunity to help them choose some new items for their bedrooms/homes which can help them settle more quickly and help it feel less scary.
A fresh start
Whether you are staying in the matrimonial home or moving to a new property, you can use this as an opportunity to redecorate or replace items. Maybe you’ve always compromised on a neutral theme and would like to bring more colour into your home. It can also help give the sense of a new beginning where they trigger painful memories attached to the existing items.
How a Professional Organiser can help
Often, family and friends can feel conflicted when trying to support in this part of the divorce process. As a Professional Organiser, my clients say that having an independent person help with the process helps keep things calmer than doing on their own.
I can help keep track of what is going where; advise on sales sites and help keep you both focussed on your priorities. My clients also love that I take all charity donations away with me at the end of a session, meaning one less thing for the to do list.
